You Made It to First Base!

You Made It to First Base! 

Need help moving? Planning a baby shower? I’m your girl. At least I used to be.

The person you can always ask, the one who rarely says no. We all know that person, and if you’re reading this, maybe you are that person. We love being valued and appreciated.

And people love us overgivers. We’re helpful. We’re great at getting things done.

Which works for both us and the people in our lives—as long as we keep our teeter-totter balanced between their needs and ours. When there’s room for both, everyone is happy.

But the balance can tip slowly over the years. We move, slow as molasses, toward the heartbreaking discovery that we’re overwhelmed—without knowing why. We’re exhausted, but don’t know what to do.

In the process of loving someone who battles with hard things, we sideline ourselves and stop living our own authentic lives.

Over time, we spend huge amounts of energy helping them not blow up their life—calling their employer, paying their parking tickets, justifying their drinking, excusing their cheating. We routinely overgive to keep our lives functioning.

Did you notice I said “our”? That’s how it happens . . . one day at a time we take responsibility for their lives.

Until that out-of-balance caretaking becomes our normal. We may feel secretly ashamed of what we’re covering up or putting up with, without recognizing the toll it’s taking on us.

If left unchecked, we lose our focus, which is disturbing and out of character. Eventually, we lose our joy as our work and personal lives are quietly consumed by someone else’s issues. We can lose our peace, our identity, even our own purpose in life.

It can take years to recognize. Sometimes decades. I know. I’ve been there.

It’s only then that we admit something has to change.

Let me first say kudos to you for being here. Moving beyond our denial is the first step toward finding freedom. Recognizing that our way of helping is costing us too much takes real courage.

Congratulations on taking a brave step toward reclaiming your self while continuing to love the people in your life.

It’s a process—you just made it to first base.

If you recognize yourself here, I’d love to help you explore your next step. Email me to arrange a complimentary 30-minute conversation. We’ll talk about what feels heavy and how coaching might help you make room for your own life.

— Liz

The Overgiver's Coach