Dear Liz:
RESCUING KIDS OF ADDICTED PARENTS
Dear Liz
My alcoholic sister-in-law had a three-month-old boy. She wanted to go out and celebrate her one-year sobriety with her AA sponsor so asked us to babysit. No problem, glad she’s sober. About 10:00 at night they come to grab the baby. Both are hammered. They want to get the baby and drive home drunk. It got ugly. How would you handle it? Thanks, Leslie
Dear Leslie,
Your question gets me fired up!
First, let’s acknowledge that the tragedy and trauma of innocent kids being raised by addicted parents can last a lifetime. Second, we know relapse is part of recovery, so hopefully she made the choice for sobriety the next day or soon after. Clearly, she needs a new sponsor.
I’m sorry for your family and especially the baby boy.
The long-term impact on kids is inevitable, whether it looks like generational substance use or abuse or codependency or a combination of all three, until someone chooses—or not—to heal.
But back to the night in question. I wouldn’t let them drive the baby home drunk. An infant child is helpless, so it’s up to the adults to keep him safe, no matter who they are. That’s the priority. (In fact, I wouldn’t even bother nagging the drunk adults in the moment—it’s pointless.)
I’d first try to convince them to spend the night. If that didn’t work, I’d offer to keep the baby overnight and call them a ride share.
You said it got ugly, so I imagine reasoning with them while they were drunk wasn’t getting you anywhere.
In my case if they were disagreeable, I’d try to take their keys. If that didn’t work, honestly, I’d probably lock them out, keep the baby (and let them call the cops on me, which they obviously wouldn’t do), and deal with them in the morning when they’re sober. You could even call the police yourself if that feels necessary.
I feel for you Leslie, I’ve dealt with addicts for most of my life and know the anguish of making decisions in these types of situations. But acknowledging the priority in the moment simplifies my decision making. And kids are always the priority.
Readers, I’d love to hear your comments below. What would you do?
DISCLAIMER: All suggestions are expressions of my personal opinion only, informed by decades of research and experience. However, since every situation is different, outcomes are not guaranteed.