Dear Miz Liz:

My Dad goes to the casino and gets drunk and then calls me late in the night to pick him up. The next day I'm falling asleep in my college classes. What should I do?

When your dad is alert and receptive, I recommend explaining how this pattern is harming you, interfering with your schedule. But I wouldn’t get into the weeds about how you’re trying to succeed and better yourself, because he might have some jealous or competitive issues with you doing better than him. (Unfortunately, some dads do that with their sons.)

Before you chat, consider a few things.

It's important that you recognize you are not responsible for his actions. That might feel a little crunchy at first. Say it out loud to yourself. He’s a grown man, theoretically a role model. In advance, decide how much or how often you’re willing to help. When you have the conversation, you can ask him how he’d like to handle it in the future, if that feels right. Just make it clear you won’t be picking him up late at night.

It’s fine to help him find a solution, just don’t be the solution.

Maybe discuss if he can afford an Uber or taxi? Help him get a ride app if he doesn’t know how. If you’re willing to pick him up at 8:00 p.m. or 9:00, make that time clear. Also explain that if he calls at 8:10 or 9:10, you won’t answer your phone.

Make a plan that you can live with and share it with whoever else should know. Also, own that whatever results the next time he’s stuck, it’s his choice—don’t shoulder any guilt. Once the plan feels right for both of you, remember—and this is key—do not buckle when he ignores your boundaries, which he likely will in the beginning.

Soon he’ll know you’re a man of your word.

All comments are expressions of my personal opinion only, informed by decades of research and experience. Since every situation is different, outcomes are not guaranteed.