Making Discoveries by Joe Simeone, as told to Liz Abess

Looking back, I can see how my codependency was rooted in my childhood. Both my parents had unresolved childhood wounds (Mom lived through WW2, Dad was a product of the great depression and grew up with a poor father/son bond and abusive sisters). Their hard lives translated to a lack of meeting the emotional needs of their own children. Also, I was a middle child and there was a lot of comparison to my older sister, along with severe bullying outside the home during middle school. In short, I developed feelings of "not-belonging," as a result of emotional/psychological needs being unmet, primarily by my parents.  

In my early teenage years, I began responding in a codependent manner, driven by a deep desire to fit in and make others happy. I believed that others' wants and needs were more important than my own, leading me into relationships without boundaries, but with toxicity, and emotional manipulation. I had no sense of self; I just needed to belong and be needed.

This pattern persisted until I was around 47. I coped with my emotions through anger and avoidance. Rage, cussing, and escape were my go-to reactions when others challenged or controlled me. These mechanisms kept me numb to my childhood emotional wounds. Surrendering anger and avoidance allowed me to address the underlying hurts fueling my codependency.

My first step towards freedom was learning to love myself, recognizing my worth in God's eyes. This newfound self-love transformed my relationships, allowing me to love others for who they are, rather than what they can offer. Accepting that God is sovereign in everyone's life and that each person has their unique recovery journey freed me from the need to "fix" others and allowed me to support them on their path.

There have been more discoveries along the way, and my journey towards self-awareness and freedom from codependency continues, guided by the light within me and my faith in God.