Dear Karin,

I’m guessing you’re actually asking what Mom should do—more than what you should do—since you don’t have much control over the situation. So, let’s go there first, then we’ll get back to you.

My Dad goes to the casino and gets drunk and then calls me late in the night to pick him up. The next day I'm falling asleep in my college classes. What should I do?

Looking back, I can see how my codependency was rooted in my childhood. Both my parents had unresolved childhood wounds . . .

I didn’t realize I was putting myself at risk, I just knew I’d have her attention. Driving there I thought “I’ll convince her she needs to stop this madness. I’ll counsel her and she’ll appreciate me. I’ll be her savior.”

Twenty years ago, I experienced several years of clinical depression that nearly buried me. My life's circumstances gripped me like a boa constrictor, squeezing my life out until I could barely breathe. I didn't know why or how I got there. I just knew my world was dark.

Talking with Kathryn Mae Inman, author of Counting Spoons, about her now sober son.

Last month I talked about patching holes of unworthiness and unmet expectations. Now I invite us to look at holes caused by grief, the third and final piece in the Patching Holes series.

Last month I talked about patching holes by numbing. Now I invite us to look at how the holes originated, knowing that each moment of self-discovery serves as a scoop of sand filling the empty space inside us.

My relationship addiction to people masked something deep inside me, it turns out, temporarily patching empty holes of unworthiness, loss and grief that lingered, unresolved.